By the sweat of your face You will eat bread, Till you return to the ground, Because from it you were taken; For you are dust, And to dust you shall return.

Genesis 3:19

I cant believe how fragile life is. I'm not sure how to deal with it. It's like we're all walking glass dolls and that we can break anytime. Its so scary. Maybe the end isn't that far away after all? Has anyone noticed that recently there are more people passing away than usual?

It sucks to be the one left behind. The one who has to be the one to deal with the loss. I wonder what the departed must feel? Do they feel anything at all? I wonder what the other side must feel like? Is it a separate parallel universe? What happens to a soul when the body dies? Does it cease to exist? What does God look like? Does God have a face? So many questions. I wish I knew. I'm not afraid of dying. The thought of my own death has never bothered me but the thought of the people left behind to deal with my loss is what I would feel upset about. If I die, please everybody, don't be sad. Just throw me a party for my funeral and have loads of frozen strawberry margaritas. It would be a send out in true Sid style. I would want my life to be a celebration of the person that I was.

The recent events in my life have led me to think that this very moment I could be alive and kicking but you never know if this would be the same in the next few minutes. You can't assume that anymore. That's how fragile life really is. All it takes is a split second and you're gone. Tragic isn't it?

I feel afraid these days. Afraid that I might lose someone I love and treasure. I feel that some one's gonna get me up telling me some one's passed on or that some one's going to call me and tell me I've lost someone. It's scary. Yes it is. Maybe the world really is coming to an end? So God's taking away all the good people and leaving the rest for the final curtain call? That's why so many people are passing away?

I live for the moment now. Every thing's a 100% because I'm afraid that if I don't give a 100%, I might lose that person and I'll regret not doing so. I'll never get the chance to make it right for them and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't want to live a life with regrets. I just wish time would stop running so fast so I can spend heaps of time with everyone.

I'm happy with how I've lived my life :)

Random Updates:

1) The KL trip is over - It was truck loads of girly fun and I loved every moment of it. I'm thinking we should totally do it again. Rashita thinks Koh Samui next! YAY!!

2) Halloween is over - Didn't do anything this year. I don't feel like I missed much either coz I wasn't really feeling it this year.

3) Dad's birthday is on Sat - YAY!! CAKE! Plus family dinner at Khansama to top it off really nicely!

4) My birthday! - I'm excited for god knows what reason. Planned this out with Nim and Davi yesterday. I believe we will be Rupee-ing so it should be good (Don't judge me. I haven't been there in a while!).

5) Khin's coming back!! - I'm sooooooo excited for this! I can't wait! If only Khin and Shabs could be around for my birthday.

6) Zoukout - Everyone's on for this so I'm gonna pre-book tix!!!!!!!

7) Ajay's wedding - My cousin's getting married!! YAY!! I'm gonna be sooooo busy! Plus we're going clothes shopping soon!!

8) Christmas - Gotta love this time of the year! I love Christmas! LOVE IT!

9) New Year's Eve - That time of the year to make new resolutions. To be with family and friends :)

10) New YEAR! - New year, new outlook, new goals, new style, new look :D Plus its the year of the Tiger! YAY!! Our year again! LOVE IT!

I'm excited for what lies ahead and I'm looking forward to loads of things. We've lost some this year and we have gained some. Most importantly we do not forget the ones we've lost and we treasure the ones we have. Lessons learned.

This song has no relevance to my life whatsoever but I'm in love with it:

I need to set my priorities right. I need to give up some things and I need to start picking up other things.

I think its time to make some changes. How can I be helping anyone if I can't even help myself. When I don't even know what the hell I want. I would like to think I know what I want but its not true. I haven't found my calling. I need to stop talking and start doing.

I will break conformities.

I just want to be a good person.

How do I become something I never knew existed within me? How?

The decision I made was forced on by circumstance. How can it be that all the efforts were blindsided and the only way to win the battle is to become someone I don't know? It's not fair. It's heart breaking and very unfair. I wish I knew how else to fix this. I don't know how to be that person. I don't know how to help you win back the interest by being that person. How? What should I do? I did the only thing I could do? To let go.

Its driving me crazy. My head hurts. I hurt. I wish I could just pick up and leave to someplace new. Someplace where my thoughts won't haunt me. Disappear.

I hate you. I lie.


Be still my beating heart
It would be better to be cool
It's not time to be open just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget
Be still my beating heart
Or I'll be taken for a fool
It's not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so

I sink like a stone that's been thrown in the ocean
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion
Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart

Restore my broken dreams
Shattered like a falling glass
I'm not ready to be broken just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget

Be still my beating heart
You must learn to stand your ground
It's not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so

Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart

Never to be wrong
Never to make promises that break
It's like singing in the wind
Or writing on the surface of a lake
And I wriggle like a fish caught on dry land
And I struggle to avoid any help at hand

I sink like a stone that's been thrown in the ocean
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion
Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart

It will never be the same again
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion
Be still my beating heart
Life might never take the same turn again
The verses sound so dry and broken
Be still my beating heart
Life is changing as we know it
Stop and don't start

What would you say?

What would you say if you could say a million things and no one got hurt? Would you rally against all the hurt?

What would you do if you could do a million things and no one got hurt? Would you break free?

What would you do if you could break into my dreams? Would you steal them away?

What would you do if you could hear my thoughts? Would you whisper back careless whispers?

Yes, pointless rambling.

They say that out of the 7 deadly Sins, "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride", Pride is the root of all Evil.

In fact, it has been proven that all the sins lead back to Pride. If you effectively eliminated Pride, there would be no other sins.

I wonder what a world without Pride would be though? Would things advance?

They say Pride is a double edged sword. Its good coz it spurs development but on the other hand, Pride also causes destruction and devastation. From Pride, 6 other deadly Sins are spawned.

What would I be like if I had no Pride? I wonder.

I haven't found my calling. Do some people really get through life without finding what their true calling is? A lot of people find things they're really good at and want to do for the rest of their lives. I don't know what I want to really do. I don't know what I feel happy doing. I do know I would like to travel. To be a wanderer. To go to different places and always be on the go. Yes, I would love to travel.

The things we seek are right in front of us, and yet we fail to see. We fight all our lives, for something that means nothing. We want the things we don't need and we don't care about the things we actually do need. We walk through life thinking tomorrow's going to be the Day but we don't realize that every day that we say that, is another day wasted coz today could have been the Day - we just never seized it. Its time we stood up for ourselves and did all the things we wanted to do; not listen to what someone else says to do. The world is filled with opportunities, all we need to do is just reach out and grab them. Life's too short to be lamenting about the bad things, instead, let us enjoy the good things.

Yes. Let us enjoy the good things. Let us breathe in the sunshine and glow golden rays. We are golden.